Lines Not Said

Rosalie and Emmett are playing dress up and Rosalie looks like a guy but in Emmett's case...

Emmett: Oh Rose, I don't wanna wear this! *puts up black laced thong*
Rosalie: But Em it would look sexy on you. *giggles*
Emmett wears the black laced thong...

Rosalie: YAY! *takes a picture*

A week later after it's developed Rosalie shows it to the whole Cullen clan and they laugh their asses off like there's no tomorrow

(Bella and Edward's wedding night)

*both topple onto the bed*
Edward: So, Bella....I'll go get the cuffs, the feather duster, the stuffed aardvark, and the taser gun.
Bella: Whatchoo talkin' bout Willis?
Edward: come on, now, little girl....It's been a century. You don't think I had ample enough time to think up some kink? *leaves room*
Bella: Hrm....if he's so kinky, maybe I should call Jacob too. *dials*


(I might put more on that later if it's funny at all.)

LOL ELLIE THAT WAS HILARIOUS!

CONTINUE!

oh please do!

Ding Dong
“I’ll get the door.” Edward disappeared from my side for two seconds and then returned.

“They have sent us video message.” Alice said as Edward walked over to the television and popped in the tape.

Well they encourage your complete cooperation.
Send you roses when they think you need to smile.
I can't control myself because I don't know how.
And they love me for it honestly I'll be here for a while.

So give them blood, blood,
Gallons of the stuff,
Give them all that they can drink and it will never be enough.
So give them blood, blood, blood.
Grab a glass because there's going to be a flood.

A celebrated man amongst the gurneys.
They can fix me proper with a bit of luck.
The doctors and the nurses they adore me so,
But it's really quite alarming that I'm such an awful fk (thank you).

I gave you blood, blood.
Gallons of the stuff.
I gave you all that you could drink and it has never been enough.
I gave you blood, blood, blood.
I'm the kind of human wreckage that you love.

”Hello Leeches Family!” I never knew that Tye Pennington was a dog? What? “Just kidding! Ha ha… I was told to remind you about the treaty…” The boy in the video looked very familiar… like a childhood friend that I had once had until he became involved in things that I once thought dangerous to his health… this would only mean that the fairytales I was told as child while at his house where true… “…Bite the girl…. And a full out war will rain upon your house. Goodnight.” And then the video went dead.

“Well that was entertaining.” Alice said after a moment. “I mean… she’s been with us since January… and they decide to send us a video now… in April… are they on crack.”

“You can tell the future… you tell us.” I said grownign irritated.

“Oh god turning! Esme hide me.” Carlisle said hiding behind his wife.

“Honestly Carlisle what the hell is she going to do to you!” Esme said walking away from her husband and heading in the kitchen. “Honestly… he’s made of stone and she’s just a human girl what could possibly happen.” She mumbled to her self.

“You know, I have some work to do, I’ll be in my office.”

“Hey, Carlisle?” Esme said walking out of the kitchen with a bowl in her hands.

“Yes dear.” He had paused mid step.

“What are you going to do when she goes into labor and you have to deliver them… I mean she’ll be a lot worse.”

“Who said I had do it?”

“I’m not going to do it.” Edward said.

“What about Dr. Snow?” Carlisle asked.

“No.” I said. “I want you to deliver them… I will settle for nothing less.”

“Since when… Theres no way out of this, is there?”

“Nope!” Edward and I both said.

“Just face your fears Carlisle.” Alice said walking behind her father and placing him in front of me. “She is not some ravonous dog ready to pounce the moment she gets… she is just a pregnant woman with mood swings.”

“You’re right. I am acting like a child.” Carlisle said after a moment.

“You could say that.” Esme said leaving the room yet again.

Jasper is playing KH2...

Alice: Jazzy!!!
Jasper: What woman!?
Alice: hmph... you haven't looked at me for 2 days straight now. Hmph.
*Alice thinks of a way so Alice can have Jasper's attention*
Alice: OH GOD JAZZY SORA'S F*CKING HOT! I WANNA MARRY HIM SOMEDAY!
Jasper: *completely unaware of what Alice had said due to the super focus and concentration in the game* mmhmm...
Alice: errggg!

LOL, B.

New Moon Re-Vamped

Bella: You mean...you don't want me?
Edward: No.
Bella: WHY YOU STUPID MOTHER FUCKING SON OF A BITCH!!!!
*Punches him in the face and the nuts*
Edward: Why?!
Bella: YOU KNOW WHY!
*Parades off skipping*

That was weird, but I love What Happens in Vegas!!

Bella: Hey Jazzy, wanna make out?
Jasper: WTF Bella

OMFJ, B.

Rosalie: Carlisle, can you take me to work today with you?
Carlisle: I guess so. What for?
Rosalie: To help you out. *snicker*

A few hours later...
*Carlisle is with a patient*

Carlisle: Okay, all you need is a sterilizing shot. I'll bring in my nurse. Rosalie!

*Rosalie parades in wearing a "Naughty Nurse" Halloween costume and a giant syringe with real liquid inside*

Carlisle: Good god, what the hell is that? And what are you wearing?
Rosalie: I'm just helping you out, Doc. *winks*

This probably didn't make any sense, but I find it funny.

LOL MINDY!

Edward, Alice, Bella, Rosalie and Emmett are in the beach in the shade. Jasper was singing something, suddenly.

*thunder*
Rosalie, Bella, Alice and Emmett grunt

Edward suddenly blurts out: It's Jasper fault.

LOL. i know it wasn't funny. LOL.

charlie: bella you should have sex with edward and i should watch.
jacob: i should watch too.

Alice skips merrily and hears that Rose and Em are doing "something".

She knocks and they stop and ask

Alice: Can I join? teehee.

edward: alice you want to make out.
alice: only if we do more than just make out

rosalie: edward
edward: yes?
rosalie: i love you.
edward: *no comment*

Charlie: Renee... I think you should leave phil... and come join billy and i on the nudist colony that we started...

Renee: OKAY! by the way... could we do it...

A commercial is shown and shows the most beautiful girl in the planet while Rosalie was watching she was blazing hot because of it.

Rosalie: Is that girl taking my title?

Emmett: Wow ROSE YOU'RE HOT WHEN YOU'RE MAD!

Jasper: I concur.

Alice: *slaps Jasper*

Jasper: OW!

Alice: Apparently that's the one you can feel.

jake: "edward i'm your doggy"
edward:"yes you are, i love you doggy"
jake : "i love you too"

Jake: Bella, I know you love me, too.

Bella: ...*conflicted*

Jake: So let's go back to my place and do it doggy style!!

LOL STEPH!!!

This is in the dark...

Edward: OH BELLA! YOU'RE SO GOOD (and hears a growl like the one from a werewolf)
Edward: OH SHIT!

(lol steph)

bella:" why dont you love me like you love the dog?"
edward: "because you can't do hald as much as he does for me in bed"

Imagine Fast and the Furious movies here.

Emmett is acting all tough and Edward trips on him and the people laugh and they taunt him and Edward's all irritated like and he says,

Edward: Let's Race.

mike: "jake i love you"
jake: "ummmmmmm... ok?"

Quil: I love you.
Sam: no comment...

sam: "billy i need you i need you bad"
billy:" i'm not gay"

jasper: hey rose wanna do it?
rose: what the f*** Jasper? Emmett's right what the hell's wrong with you nowadays